“Our perfect companions never have fewer than four feet.”  —Sidonie Gabrielle Colette

How appropriate that our Pet Yearbook coincided with our #HealthyHabits issue. Pets are members of our families, but they are also good for us. When I spend 15 minutes giving Paisley, my cat, head scratches, my heart rate slows and I can enter a semi-meditative state. Talk about a healthy habit! When Elizabeth Millen, our publisher, takes her dog Henry to the beach, she is exercising and spending time in nature—two very healthy habits indeed!

DEAR SUSAN:
You’re always going on about head games between men and women, yet I’ve read where you are a strong believer in a woman’s mystery. Please explain. —From the “Single File’’ Blog

DEAR BLOGGER:
The mystery I favor is poles apart from the senseless and childish phoniness so common in the dating game. It takes a clever woman (yes, mystery is usually associated with the female of the species.) It has to do with not telling your life story from day one too early in a promising relationship. Be charming, soft, feminine. Leave plenty of silent spaces in the conversation for him to tell his story. Don’t laugh too often, but do smile when appropriate.

“If you become a teacher, by your students you’ll be taught.” -Oscar Hammerstein II

If that quote seems familiar to you, you might be a musical theatre fan. It’s from “Getting to Know You” from The King and I. Dear readers, you may not know this about me, but I am a huge fan of musical theatre. I also used to teach Theatre Appreciation at College of Coastal Georgia. I’m from a teaching family. Both my mother and her mother were teachers. I value education. Teaching is hard work, but if your heart is in it, the work is worth it. We need to make sure our teachers feel appreciated and supported, because they are asked to deal with a whole lot on a daily basis.

Sexual expression is part of mental and physical well-being. On that we probably agree. And being unmarried, you know how difficult it is to find a caring and committed partner. It’s well worth waiting for, because when soul mates join spirit and flesh, their union can approach spiritual communion. Once that’s experienced, anything less is out of the question. But to aspire to that height, you must first make sense of the sexual choice overload too readily offered in single life.

It’s difficult to live in the shadows of a powerful partner, and it’s never so clear as to those few women who have held the position of First Lady—the wife of the President of the United States.

Amazon Prime/Showtime is running a series titled The First Lady. They follow and highlight three First Ladies: Eleanor Roosevelt, Betty Ford and Michele Obama. All three of whom clearly made an impact on women’s roles and rights, using their personality and celebrity to highly influence while their husbands were in office.

The First Lady is a revealing reframing of American leadership through the lens of these three First Ladies. Starring Viola Davis as Michelle Obama, Michelle Pfeiffer as Betty Ford and Gillian Anderson as Eleanor Roosevelt, this series delves deep into these ladies’ personal and political lives, exploring everything from their journeys to Washington, their family lives and their world-changing political contributions. It is clear the impact of the White House’s women is no longer hidden just behind the scenes.

Y’all! It is hot out there! I’ve had to get creative on getting my fresh air, going for walks in the evenings rather than the afternoons. I’ve also been consuming more and more creative content as I spend time inside enjoying the world’s greatest invention: Air Conditioning! There is so much fantastic content available online that one can easily feel overwhelmed.

Of all the aftershocks of love’s endings, bitterness does the most damage because it’s sneaky. While it clouds perception, it silently fulfills its own prophecy, which is that people will stay away. Potential friends and lovers keep their distance from an embittered person, which only serves to confirm his/her sour view of life, completing the circle of cynicism. (Deep sigh.)

But when people are content with life and with themselves, they, for the most part, view life’s downturns fairly, placing blame where deserved while (ahem) shouldering the rightful share of responsibility for mistakes, which are almost inevitable in a full life. So what’ll it be, bitter or optimistic? Take your choice. I kid you not, my friend; it is indeed a conscious choice. There are ways to remain hopeful, even when life tosses you a world-class curve.

Q: I’m a single mother with a 13-year-old son. His father, whom he sees infrequently, has PTSD from battle experiences. My son has anger toward his father, but I can’t get him to talk about it. It comes out of him in the form of a lot of disrespect directed toward me. What should I do about this?

A: I assume that by “this” you mean your son’s supposed anger concerning his father. If I’m right, then you’re focusing on the wrong issue. The problem is the disrespect and hostility your son directs toward you.

In the first place, you’re playing amateur psychologist. You’re engaging in pure speculation (which is, by the way, all a psychologist is doing when he claims to know what causes a person to behave in a certain manner). Your theory concerning his disrespect gives your son a free pass to behave as abusively toward you as he pleases. On the other hand, if you happen to be right about the source of your son’s “anger,” the question becomes “so what?”

You may not be able to point to your thyroid, but it controls many activities in your body, including how fast you burn calories and how fast your heart beats—pretty important things. However, the thyroid seems to be a mystery gland that is not thought about until it begins to wreak havoc. Basically, when your thyroid is functioning properly, things we take for granted, like a good night’s sleep, regular bowel movements, controlled inner temps—not inappropriately hot or cold, are also functioning properly. Because an out-of-order thyroid can cause symptoms that are quite common, usually the thyroid is the last thing we look to as the culprit for our dis-ease and discomfort. That’s why we wanted to unlock the mystery behind this little gland in your neck that can make feeling good a real pain-in-the-neck! In order to learn more about the almighty thyroid, we asked our local expert to clue us in.

What does a thyroid do?
The thyroid gland is an endocrine gland located in the front of the neck that produces thyroid hormones, which are secreted into the circulation then carried to every organ in the body.Thyroid hormones are critical in brain and neurological development in infants and of metabolic activity in adults. Metabolism is the process by which the body converts our food intake into energy.

Oxymoron
Dear Susan: Last weekend, I had sex with a woman who’s just a friend. (She and I laughed and said it was “friends with benefits.”) But now she’s calling me regularly, asking when I’m coming to see her again. I feel so guilty. It was purely platonic on my part. She’s a nice girl, but honestly, it meant nothing. What should I do?

Dear Reader: It might have meant nothing to you, but it could have unlocked some hopes in her. (Deep sigh.) That’s the tricky part of this misnomer—it’s supposedly casual but rarely so. The hurtful part of the rutting we’ve come to label “casual” is that one of the partners usually brings into the bed a secret hope. They don’t dare express it, fearing their lover will fly the coop. They play the game, pretending the passion is shared, but what lies beneath is a yearning for the real thing. And if you suspect the pretender is usually female, you are correct. And so, the path of casual sex is littered with feminine yearning. The female is the one who proves that “casual sex” is an oxymoron. How can the joining of pulsing flesh be ho-hum casual? Think about it. Then call her and apologize.

Q: Our sons are six and four. When their same-age cousins come over, they all go down into our basement to play. Invariably, within thirty minutes my youngest comes upstairs crying because his older brother is causing the cousins to gang up against him. I end up going down into the basement every half hour to settle these disputes. Is there a way to solve the problem once and for all?

A: You’ve discovered, the hard way, that “settling” one of these conflicts does not solve the problem. In fact, settling 1,358,495 of these disputes will not solve the problem. In further fact, you serving as a mediator is making matters worse. Unwittingly, by coming to your youngest son’s rescue, you cause the other boys to resent him and want to get back at him. When they do, he cries, you come running, you rescue, and again they resent him, and around and around it goes.

Back pain is one of the most common medical problems in the country. It can range from a dull, constant ache to a sudden, sharp pain. Whether it comes on suddenly from a fall or strain, or develops slowly because of age-related degenerative changes, it’s important to take care of your back and pay attention to what your pain may be trying to tell you. In some cases, serious medical conditions can cause back pain. Treatment will vary based on causes and symptoms, but there are steps you can take to lower your chance of chronic back pain.

“Avoiding danger is no safer in the long run than outright exposure. Life is either a daring adventure or nothing.”  —Helen Keller

We all get scared sometimes. I’m not talking about the fun thrill of a roller coaster or a scary movie.

A New Language
You don’t have to be single to be shy, but it’s more likely when your way of life pushes you to meet new people and make entrances ... solo. That’s why it’s so important to learn the language of SMALL TALK. (It merits capitals because it’s not so easy to learn.) Truth is it’s a totally new language for those of us who never inherited the gift of easy, flowing, not-very-important chatter. Which brings me back to a cringeworthy moment years ago at the United Nations in New York City when I was introduced to an old-time film legend and left alone with him. (If you must know, it was Douglas Fairbanks Jr.) I can still see the expression on my face—and his—as the two of us agonizingly croaked out sounds we hoped passed for conversation. Disaster!

Q: When I give my 5-year-old daughter a chore, she does it, but all the while she is muttering under her breath, huffing and puffing, and so on. Do I discipline that behavior or just let her vent?
A: Let her vent! She may have a “bad attitude,” but she does what she is told. She’s just being petulant, which in this situation doesn’t qualify as misbehavior. It’s mere childishness. In fact, I would predict that if you began punishing her petulant outbursts, she might swing to true rebellion. Count your blessings and leave this issue alone.

You recently gave birth to a beautiful, healthy baby. You should be feeling excitement and joy, right? Not necessarily. “Many new mothers feel the worry, fatigue or sadness known as the ‘baby blues.’ It’s important to distinguish between that and postpartum depression, a condition which brings on stronger, more debilitating feelings that can linger weeks or months,” says Shirley D. Wilson, M.D., FACOG, a board-certified obstetrician and gynecologist at Southeast Georgia Health System. Dr. Wilson practices at Southeast Georgia Physician Associates-Obstetrics & Gynecology in Brunswick, Georgia.

When a new mother becomes depressed, she may feel overwhelmed by sadness, irritability, anxiety, emptiness, hopelessness, or lethargy. She may have trouble concentrating, may eat too much or not enough, may sleep too little or too much. Some women experience unexplained aches and pains. Others spiral into major depression and suicidal thoughts.

Happy Mother’s Day! How appropriate that Mental Health Awareness Month and Maternal Health Month are both in May. National Teachers’ Day is May 3rd and National Nurses’ Day is May 6th. Our mothers are often our first counselors, first teachers and first nurses. It’s also true that moms notoriously neglect their own health as they strive to keep their families healthy.

Exercises in Singleness
DEAR SUSAN: How on Earth did you come up with the idea of exercises in singleness? I’ve heard of situps and pushups for the underused abs and belly muscles, but how does someone exercise their singleness?!

DEAR BLOGGER: The same logic that applies to one’s abs or stomach muscles applies to their singleness: Underused is underdeveloped. A flaccid stomach muscle or abdomen is of little use to its owner when physical strength is called for. (Follow me closely here, dear Readers, and logic will lead you to your answer). The unmarried state, if not utilized vigorously, will tend to either grow inward, narrowing the supply of people so necessary for a full and vigorous life, or make a splash outward and become a mini-world of time-wasters and distractions. Either direction of energy is a contortion of the purpose of life, which is to grow and develop into more of a person. That purpose is best achieved in the unmarried state, when time and resources are under personal control. Exercising one’s singleness is, then, conscious usage of one’s time and resources in order to grow, to explore one’s interests and to expand one’s personal universe. And, when making the decision to migrate to the coupled world, the move can be as smooth as walking off a moving escalator—without missing a step. Paramount to coupled success is the continuation of the Exercises in Singleness! Maintaining them faithfully will keep one’s “undependence” intact and operable. And, not incidentally, it will make you—and your relationship—so much more interesting. Being interesting and beloved makes for a fascinating partnership. I wish it to you.

Is the following statement true or false?
It is often the case that children like what is not good for them
and do not like what is good for them.
True, right? Right!
The question then becomes, are you trying to be liked by your child?

Other forms of the same question are…Does it bother you when your child acts like he doesn’t like you? When your child acts like he doesn’t care for you, do you try to correct the situation? Do you desire, in your heart of hearts, to be seen by your child as a friend?

If you answered “yes” to those questions, then you have proven beyond a shadow of a doubt that you are not of sound mind. In this case, a sound mind is defined as not caring one way or the other whether your child likes you at any given moment in time, or not.

After so much time spent inside during the cold winter months, we are all ready to get out and enjoy the gorgeous spring weather. However, it’s important to take precautions before basking in the sun. Yes! You can get sunburned even on these beautiful, cool, sunny spring days. Skin cancer—the abnormal growth of skin cells—most often develops on skin that has been exposed to the sun. Are you at risk?

There are three major types of skin cancer:
• Basal Cell Carcinoma: This is skin cancer that begins in the basal cells, which are a type of cell within the skin that produces new skin cells as old ones die off. Basal cell carcinoma typically appears in sun-exposed areas, such as the head and neck and has a slightly transparent bump. It is usually a growth or sore that won’t heal.

Unless my allergies deceive me, spring has sprung! It’s that glorious time of year when you wake up to birdsong and fall asleep from antihistamines. In all seriousness, this is a splendid time of year in Coastal Georgia. There are incredible events every weekend, and there’s an excellent chance the weather will behave. Please be sure to wear your sunscreen and stylish sunhats, though. If you need extra motivation, be sure to read Dr. Bowen’s article on skin cancer in Paisley Prescriptions.

DEAR SUSAN:
Those supposed “bad boys” are filling some need in girls’ lives that makes them take notice—and feel special. Maybe it’s only the cheap rush of danger; maybe it’s sexual, but without a doubt, something strong gets their attention! (And nice guys rarely come on as strong!) Males who see themselves as “nice guys” should give up trying so hard to BE nice—and DO more. An interested person is an interesting person! Be the guy who’s doing things in the world, who’s truly interested in his work, who makes things happen. And guess what—he’s nice, too. Females are drawn to a man who’s interesting. And when niceness is also part of his persona, they’ll fall at his feet. —From the ‘Single File’ Blog

Q: I recently tried toilet training my 32-month-old, but after a few days of no success, I decided to stop. A friend tells me to hang in there, but my pediatrician says my son isn’t ready. She suggests I try again in a few months. Your thoughts?